In retrospect...

I cried me a river on Monday.

I am not exactly sure why. What matters is that its over...pls God.

Tuesday, i was waited upon by Northern royalty. Escape helps everyone.

Wednesday, i got my groove back. Rocked my stilettos on red earth and didn't miss a beat.

Kissed my Northern warriors goodbye.

Smiled hello at the Eyo masquerades at every turn in my town.

You can take a girl away from Lagos, it will take plenty more to take Lagos away from her.

I am home. Tears forgotten, the taste of Kilishi still on my tongue, the drama of Lekki traffic all around me.

Life is grand...for now...

Song of the day: Bon Jovi - Its all about loving you

A Happy Place

Where the bed bugs don't bite

Where ice cream is a staple

and weight scales are a taboo                                                                       

Where i am me and you are you

and love is free

Where i get paid for doing what i love

Where i am still Cinderella

and midnight never comes

Where there is no hunger

Where there are no wars

No floods, no earthquakes, 

No disease, No death

No pain, No sadness

I am Cinderella

and midnight never comes

But midnight will come

It will steal upon us like the morning tide

disease, death,

pain, sadness

But before it gets here,

I will hold my prince and dance

And make enough memories to last me till dawn.

P.S For UY-Love you babes-my Cinderella always

and for all of you in love...even if its with yourselves :)

Song of the day: Boyzone- Everyday i love you

Living Nigerian...

I have been watching the recent happenings in the  political scene with indifference. That indifference has slowly given way to rage. I don't mind all the nasty old men declaring their intentions. Its a free country last i i checked but what i cannot stand is the attitude of the people. The sad, easy-to-bamboozle, money hungry, undignified, disloyal populace.

They are the reason for a shame so overwhelming it cannot be covered. They are the root of a reproach so strong my knees weaken at the thought. They are the reason i would gladly exchange my passport for ANY other. And my generation, ha, those ones are the sickest of the lot. That anyone in this generation that grew up with; no electricity, terrible roads, JAMB and 6 as the average number of years spent in the university, crippling unemployment that has led them into armed robbery, 419, etc; can even think of supporting the same evil old men that are responsible is inconceivable. In fact it is outright insane. It makes me want to weep. It makes me want to just find somewhere and hibernate.

We lost it somewhere along the line. We are too foolish to retrace our steps. History will stand in judgment against us. Our children will not be as forgiving as we have been. They will point accusing fingers and burn us at the stakes for this evil. The soul that sinneth it shall die.

The hardest part of it all is i am not so very different from them .

Song of the Day: Tracy Chapman - Revolution

Seasons

When we were young and played in the sand, we would go to Mazi Mbanu's house and like little monkeys, climb his udala tree and make away with the fruit. When it wasn't udala season, we climbed his paw paw trees and gorged ourselves with the orange meat. Our bellies would be distended by the time the our scout sounded the alarm. But we all agreed that udala season was the best.

Mazi would run after us with his bow legs. He would curse at us and say 'Your mates are getting women pregnant! Stop acting like children!'. But that's all we were; children! And we loved every moment of it. we would scatter in different directions. He never seemed to be able to catch anybody. Other days, he couldn't seem to be bothered. He just walked slowly and ignored children running in every direction.

I would run home and my mother would be waiting with her cane. 'Leave the boy alone. He is only being young.' My father would say. 'Being young shouldn't involve sending that old man to the grave' My mother would retort.' 'He is already there' Papa would reply with a solemn voice.

Mazi had lost his entire family in a bus accident on their way back from the city a few months back.

Sometimes, we would imagine that the graves of his wife and children would open and they would come and get us for stealing their fruit. We took turns scaring each other and getting a laugh out of it. I shiver now to think of the brazen acts that only youth could afford.When we were young, life was day by day. Our only worries were not getting caught at our petty crimes and who got to scrape the bottom of the pot at the end of the day. Life and death and the people left to carry on meant little to us

Mazi Mbanu died at the beginning of one udala season. I never forgave him for that. He could have waited till the end of the season. We had our fill that day. We kept rotating scouts. The alarm never sounded. I remember stocking my pockets full with as much fruit as possible. maybe somehow i knew it was the end.

He was found early the next morning when a neighbor came calling to borrow snuff. We never went back. What his physical form couldn't achieve, his spirit did. We were cured. None of the gang ever braved Mazi's compound again. To think that we had committed atrocities while his body grew cold was the source of many nightmares.

By the next udala season, we were clad in khaki shorts and herded off to school. Mazi won after all. We grew up.

Song of the day: The Corrs- So Young

Wednesday the 15th

It rained this morning. Actually it started last night. i could tell because i heard that silly dog whimpering. She hates it when it rains. Comes scratching at our door. So lets just say, i dreamt of rain and flood and the dog and my meds too. i might have lived all my life with a practitioner of medicine but i will never like meds!!! 

I made it to work on time. Surprise, Surprise, V.I was flooded!!! One of these days, water go carry all of una go...

Anyways i was frothing at the lips and mumbling obscenities to all those deserving when some pick-up dropped off M. There he was looking all instructable and unbothered with green socks(who wears green socks to work is all i want to know). The following conversation took place...

K: 'Hey Baba Suwe! I am calling the fashion police on you. How can you wear green socks to work and carry your head up high?

'M: 'Why can't you just say good morning. B would say good morning and ask how i got here. Yoruba girls!"

K: 'Well B is Yoruba too or did you miss the memo? Mschewww...why didn't you say good morning either?"

M: 'I was going to before you attacked me'

By this time, we are about to go our separate ways. So i opened my arms wide to hug him. M hates hugs. He dodges me. I start walking off and he is still standing, staring at my butt. M likes butts. I turn around and walk back to him, kiss him on his cheek, laugh and run to my office. Last i saw of M he was standing there touching where my mouth had been and smiling. 

He thinks we should hang out one of these days. It will be a total disaster!!! But i got tough love for M.

Good morning people!!!

Song of the day: Rob Thomas (M loves him)- Ever The Same

There she goes

Found her on the desert plains. She became my oasis in that strange land. It took me two years to look in her direction. It was well worth the wait.

She won every heart with her smile. But it was my soul she stole with her goodness.

She saw through every facade i put up. She laughed her way through my temper. She came back no matter how many times i showed her the door. she taught me lessons i never taught i could learn. On my birthdays, she would wake me up, and pray for me at dawn.
Its been 6 years since i found my sister. Its been two years since i laid eyes on her. so much water under the bridge and yet i know i will never love like this again.

White tiger, my sister, my friend, my angel...there are friends and there are FRIENDS!!! You, my lovely, are evidence that God loves me. Thank you!!!

p.s If you cry today eh, i will never wish you happy birthday again ...and you know it isn't beyond me!!

Song of the day: Six Pence None The Richer - There she goes

Land of dreams...

'Tu a ra ya aka...'

My mum's sonorous voice finds me in the land of dreams. It nudges me to wake. I want to wake. I want to see her face. I want to see her eyes light up. Her furrowed brow when she is serious. Her smooth skin as light bounces off it like a mirror. I want to see her laugh. I want to go home with her and fall asleep on her bosom. I am sick of hearing her only. I want to see my Mama.

'Onye ne me ma imela, imela...'

I smile in the land of my dreams. My mother can praise God in the worst of times. I know where i am. I hear strange voices so i know it isn't home. I can feel. I can hear. I can't see. I can't move and i cant speak. I have heard the doctors say that i am in a coma. I also heard them tell my uncles they do not know if i will ever wake up. Mama wasn't there that time.

'Kpo ya Chukwu o gaza...'

She is always here. My Mama. By now i can hear the sadness in her voice. I listen closely and i know the tears will begin anytime soon. Yet she sings. With the bravery of an amazon, she sings.

'Iwo nikan logo ye...'
 

She makes the switch from Ibo to Yoruba so effortlessly. My mother's mother was of Itsekiri-Yoruba origin. my mother's father was Ibo. Mama speaks all three languages. I knew an Itsekiri chorus wasn't far off.

'Tosan'. I turned towards the voice that called me. 'Papa!' I say as i recognize the voice and the man walking towards me.

I run towards him. There is no ground in this land but 'run' is the only word i can use to describe what i did to get closer to him. He held me. I smelled the spicy scent that went everywhere with my father when he used to be. He pulled away and said 'You are a big woman now'.

We laughed as we both remembered nights when as a child  i would sit in his lap and describe my forthcoming adventures as a 'big woman'.

As swiftly as the laughter came, so it disappeared .
'Tosan, why are you here?'  I avoided my father's eyes.
'I don't know, Papa. I want to wake up and see mama but i cannot'.
'Are you sure that's what you want, Tosan?' He took my chin and looked into my eyes.

My father could always see through me. The truth was life had dealt me too many bad turns. I couldn't deal. I didn't want to deal. The accident became my excuse not to live. To be but not to live. I could stay as i was and listen to Mama sing all day and night long. It was safe here. Nothing bad could get me here. Mama would get them first.

Outside my mother's arms, evil and pain lurked everywhere in the world. It had found me in the death of my father. It had found me in the betrayal of men. It had found me in  love. And now i didn't dare wake up. For i knew that while waking up would mean my mother's arms, it also meant pain. There was none without the other.

'Tosan, you must choose. You can't sit on the fence for much longer.' My father held me once more and turned away.

'But where are you going?' I called after him.
He turned 'You know the answer to that, Tosan. It is where you will come someday. I fear it might be sooner than you should if you don't choose.'

'I am afraid, Papa. Afraid of the end, afraid of what will happen in the between'.
'Then there will no beginning, my princess. If you need me, I will be in your dreams, in your thoughts'...

I watched as he turned and walked back into the light that he had come from.

'Tu ara ya ma ma...'
 

She still sings. From the land of my dreams, I hear her and the sobs rack my body. I cry for my mother. I cry for my father. I cry for myself . I cry hoping that through the tears i might find the strength to face all i have been running from. From the land of my dreams, i hear my mother cry out for the doctors. I feel hands everywhere, searching for a sign, a promise that this passivity is maybe over. Then I hear the doctor tell Mama it is normal. The tears on my face don't mean anything. I hear her sigh and continue singing. She kisses my tears and takes my hand in hers and continues her song.

'Imela, Imela'...

Soon, Mama, soon...

Song of the Day: Green Day- 21 Guns

Just a Girl

Most days, i am not sure who i am. Most nights, i can't sleep for fear that by morning, what i was for that day wouldn't be there when i wake up.

Today, I am just a girl who is very afraid that she has forgotten how to love.

Or worse, that he has...

So i am gonna take Sir Shina Peters' advice and 'dance, dance and forget your sorrow'

Song of the day: Lagbaja - Konko below