Dying...is a choice.

Dying represents many things to me. It represents a choice to give up amongst others. I am glad its a choice that seems less attractive to me than living does. But for so many, that path has more appeal than the path of struggle.

"you can't look back whilst walking forward

nothing is worth dying for except/accept life

struggles are the measuring scales of happiness"

There is nothing left to say...i should take Bulumko's advice and accept life. We all should...
Deuteronomy 30: 19

Song of the day: Bon Jovi- Its my life

Movie madness

So i hear the new Pirates of The Caribbean installment  was a monumental failure. Am i surprised? Nope...They had it coming. You can only exploit a good thing for so long. I feel sorry for Johnny Depp but he will only suffer a  while for the bad reviews this movie keeps getting. Its the money people that will get most of the heat and frankly  :p. Like almost everything in the world today, its how much you take to the bank that matters and not the people you impacted upon.

But it isn't just Pirates that has failed at the movies this year and before. Despite all the pre-excitement about Thor, Priest, Transformers 2, Iron man, etcetra...most movies of the past few years have failed to move and convince movie-goers that they actually received value for their money. Transformers 3 is coming out soon. I expect to be disappointed as well. 

I love movies. As a child, i saw The Champ a record of six times. With the Sound of Music, i have lost count. I remember Bed-knobs and Broomsticks vividly. As an adult, i love the Godfather, Crash, Inception, Lords of the Ring, the Notebook etcetra. I love the fact that movies tell a story. whether its a sad, happy, funny or horrifying story. Everyone loves a good story. Unfortunately the movie industry today keeps churning out movies that tell no tales. More often than not i come out of the cinemas unable to remember the first scene talk less of what the movie was about.

It seems this present day generation of script writers are failing in their duties or maybe(and most probably), the industry is stifling their talents in its fury to make loads of green paper.

I once read somewhere that John Irving adamantly refused to let Hollywood make a movie out of one of his book without his playing a  pivotal role. That movie ended up winning two Oscars -one for Mr Irving as best Screen writer. I haven't seen the movie but i have read the book a total of eight times. Its called The Cider House Rules. 

There are good stories all around us but stories are a dime a dozen whereas storytellers are few and far between. Its time we paid more attention to talents that make these stories come alive for us whether on film, paper or on stage. 

Its time the movie industry (yes Nollywood, that includes you) pays more attention to these talents. Its time to look beyond over-stretching franchises and churning out movie sequels. it was understandable for Lords of the Rings, Stars Wars and X-men but come on, one Sex and the city movie is fine!!! Save us the horror of seeing middle-aged women express their frustrations a second, maybe third time!!!

As for Nollywood...sigh...there is hope for you yet!!! Thank God for Mr Afolayan and others...

Morning can wait.

'Mama' I call out to her.

Her snores are my reply.

'Iya ibeji' I say a little louder.

If my mother were awake, I would be holding my enflamed cheeks for daring to call her that.
But from the land of her dreams, my mother sighs and shakes me off.

I smile at my audacity and come closer.

I see the wrinkles evened out on her ebony face.

I see the half smile on her lips.
I watch her bosom as it falls and rises with every breath.

I am enraptured by my mother at rest.

It is almost dawn.

The meat needs smoking for the market.

The little ones need coaxing from sleep.

Papa needs his snuff box refilled before he awakens.

I need to show her my blood stained wrapper and ask her its meaning.

I would give anything for her to always have this peace.

I lie gently beside her and listen to her breathe.

Morning and its travails can wait.

Song of the day: Asa- Bamidele

Doors and locks

I haven't changed the locks. I tell people its too much of a bother and how my landlord would kill me if I changed his fancy locks imported from some unrecognizable part of the world. The truth is i fear you may think of me someday and head on home. I think of all the times I have lost my keys and the helpless feeling of having a locked door between me and my dreams. I want to save you that pain. If you are bothered about the locks on my heart, I am pleased to tell you they haven't changed either. There are no spare keys there. You have the originals and only key.

I am such a miserable person. I know the exact number of hours you have been gone and I know that its high time I moved on. Its so annoying when all these people tell me I can do so much better. I know they mean well but sometimes silence is the best thing to contribute to a broken heart. Amina came by the other day and bundled me out of the house and we drove past your new place. The plan was a drive-by...you know like all those gang movies we watched together! A drive-by hurling of insults, a drive-by kidnapping, a drive-by hello. By the time we made it to two blocks before your place, I had curled up in the backseat. Too afraid I would see you and die all over again.

I was reading the Bible the other day and I stumbled on Adam AND Eve...Lucky devils! I wish we were stuck with each other like that. Two choice-less humans, the world their oyster...love would have been the easiest hurdle to cross. The doorbell rings and I almost drop the bowl of ice cream I am drowning my sorrows in. My heart skips a beat at the thought that it might be you. I scold myself for almost running to the door. I walk as slowly as I can. I even practice the catwalk...I do my breathing practice and finally I open the door all the while thinking 'he has the keys, why would he ring the bell?'

He is standing on my doorstep. 6 feet of chocolate goodness. I blink faster than remote controlled dolls. 'Hi I am your new neighbor!' He says. I stumble against the flower pot and am falling. He catches me before I hit the concrete. We start laughing and he steadies me. When I am brave enough to look him in the eye, I will tell him how good it felt to feel his arms around me.

For now, its time to think about changing those locks.

Giving back

My Pipul, una do o!!!

Its been a while. But am back! Kiah's got her groove back!

Its been a crazy month but the storm is past. I still have my 32 so am flaunting it!

Life happens to each and everyone of us. This past few weeks I have learnt that the only thing that makes a difference is your ability to handle both the bullshit and the joys with equanimity.

I need to be distracted and all the blogs on my reading list are doing a great job of distracting me. Your stories, your words of wisdom...the way y'all weave enchantments with your word. You leave me breathless! I hope to repay the favour soon.

I went to a new church last sunday and the pastor said anything you ask of God belongs to Him. It keeps going through my mind and I have come to the conclusion that in order to possess the gifts of God, it is important to give them back to Him first. I am still processing this. God help me. I have always ben a selfish person.

Have a great week Pipul!

Song of the day: Lara- ko le baje

Growing Pains

I am still here.

Even i am suprised.

I had thought i wouldn't make it through this time.

But here i am...

Happiness seems so far away and yet i know its within my reach. i only have to try. Stretch, move, reach out...

Scarred and scared. Afraid to try.

I can smell it...like the rain after dry season.

i can taste it...like the sweetness of the stranger's smile.

I can feel it...like a renewed promise.

Its time to grow.

Song of the day: Rob Thomas- Diamonds.