The Walls did this to us - Walls

I woke up before the sun today. I laid in bed and waited for it to rise. It felt great laying in my bed, knowing that I beat the sun to it. It will be my only victory today as dawn brings with it the knowledge that even waking up before the sun will not stop her from leaving.

I hear her moving around in the other room. I can tell she is gathering her things together. I can feel her frustration as she packs. She hates to pack. I see her biting her nails as she looks around the room to make sure she has forgotten nothing. I close my eyes and hope she realizes the most important thing will never fit into her luggage.

I want to hold her. I want to steady her hands and kiss them and tell her we will be alright. I want to go on my knees and ask her to give us a second try. Instead, I lay in my bed and listen from behind the walls.

My phone rings. No caller Id. I answer.

"Its me" she says. I think to myself how it got so bad that even with mere walls between us, we have to resort to technology to reach out to each other. "Ok" I say. She hesitates. And then she says "Ok". "Ok" I say again in reply.

She breathes in loudly and I can hear her pacing back and forth in the next room. I can picture it in my mind's eye. She will be wearing sneakers for comfort as she always does. Her hair will be pulled back from her face so she won't have to keep putting it back in place. She will be wearing no make up. Probably no jewelry either. Her face will be scrunched up as she thinks of what else there is left to say.

"Ok" she says again and hangs up. I am still lying in my bed. She opens the door to her room. I can hear every footstep. I can feel the weight of her luggage as she struggles with them. I want to run to her. I want to snatch the bags out of her hands. I want to whisper "Ok" into her ears without the help of some damned phone. I want to beg her to take me along.

I stay where I am till I hear the car engine start. I am still on the bed as she drives away. By the time I make it out of bed, there is no physical trace left of her. She might as well have been a ghost.

Sadly, ghosts do not break hearts. They are uninhibited by walls. The walls did this to us. We are very much human.

The sun is yet to rise.

P.s this is a series, a work in progress...there are walls within walls...

Song of the day: Phil Collins- Separate Lives

Kiah

A lot of people have asked me in the past year or so why i chose the name/pseudonym 'Kiah'.

Its hard to explain. Then again it is the simplest thing in the world.

I first read about the name Kiah in Stephen King's Bag of Bones. Yes, yes, i found my name in a horror book, bite me!!! I have been in love with the name ever since. Aside the fact that it is a beautiful African name and i am proud to be African, its meaning inspired me. I was going through a tough phase in my life. It was so bad that i couldn't remember when things were any better. And that's saying something. I read that Stephen King book and found Kiah and decided to give life and love another go. So far, so good...

Where i come from, names are more than just names. They are pronouncements, they are prayers, they are hopes, they are emotions...Recently my father told me he couldn't have chosen a better name for me than my birth name. He said all he hoped for at my birth, i have become. That is the best thing my father has ever said to me. 

By taking up the name Kiah, i decided to start again and start well. Kiah is Swahili for 'Dawn, Season's beginning'. It is also Greek and Australian for 'Beautiful'. It is pronounced 'Kaya'. 

That last bit will be for most people who think i am named after a car!!!

May your latter end be better than your former. May your endings be even more beautiful than the 'Kiah'.

Song of the day: U2- Beautiful Day

The Sands of Lagos

When i am sad, i go to the beach...Alone.

I sit, walk, stare and I am soon reminded of who my Father is.  It always works and by the time i am ready to say goodbye to the palm trees, my smile is back in its place.

For most people, if they take a girlfriend/boyfriend home to meet their parents, it is the real deal. If i take you to the beach, know i am as crazy about you as i will ever be. (Please note my parents do not live in, on or anywhere near water- I no be mammywater biko!)

Me and water, we have a  love-hate thing going on. My street is still flooded from last Sunday's downpour. Still. Water e no get enemy...

This will be what i will miss the most about my city.

"There are things I can never change.

Like you.

I always left the assumptions at the just.

But the justs have brought justice now."

Seye 

Song of  the day: Jazzman Olofin - Eko Ile

Change

The thing that stayed with me the most after seeing The Grinch was the little girl, Cindy Lou. Her confusion at growing up and at change were what held my attention till the end of the movie and even after. Yes, Jim Carey outdid himself and yes, all the other characters were beautiful but it was that little girl and her struggle to understand the change going on around her and in her that has stayed with me even up until now. I must have been 13 then. I remember thinking to myself  "I know what she is going through".

I love change. I embrace it, engineer it even. But when it does come, i find that most times i am not as prepared as i thought i was and i start longing for the way things used to be. The good news is that it soon passes. But for those days where i am still stuck in the past, its a roller coaster ride of emotions and sometimes i lose a little of myself to the past that i am clinging to.

Change is here again. This change however isn't like all the others. Then again it isn't very different. I do not know what lies at the end. I am not even sure of its beginning. I have placed my hands in His. I will let Him take the lead in this one.

And yes, the roller coaster ride has begun. Bear with me.

Have a great week people.

Song of the day: Matchbox 20 - 3 a.m

Language challenge

There is something powerful about prayers said in your mother tongue. I am a Yoruba girl. i cannot enthuse enough about my language. i don't care how far away from home i go, i will never forget my language.

Back when i lived in Zaria, my aunt would wake us up at 7am for prayers. she always prayed in Yoruba. Back then, i could barely string two Yoruba words together without everyone falling down laughing. I am a fast learner though. Today, people still laugh at my Yoruba but not as hard as they used to. 

When my aunt prayed, it was like music to my ears. I rather praise God in Yoruba. I do not believe that an imported language can express all the emotions i feel towards the One i have never seen but who sees me.

Bee says to join the language challenge. Lol...if only she knew. 

Today on my way to work, i started to pray in Yoruba. It felt good. It felt right. 

So Bee , i do accept the language challenge. I will just keep it between me and the Unseen One...I hope i make Him laugh. I hope He enjoys every bit of it. I hope He hears the yearnings of my heart through all mispronunciations. I hope He knows that i love Him and i have no intention of stopping.

Alagbada Ina, Alewilese, Oba ti kinku, Olori aiye, Oba toju oba lo, Erin Nla ka tabu...Ololufe okan mi...

This one is for You.

Asa

So i met Asa yesterday and i cannot stop talking/thinking about it...

Take all the wonderful things that you think she is and multiply by 10...

Everything good will come...when they get here, do not stop expecting. The Source never runs dry.

P.S I cannot get Asa's Iba out of my head...especially these words 'Nitori re mo se lola...' 

Do not kid yourself, there is no you, no me, without Him.That is all.

Song of the day: Asa-Iba

And the man died...

Its raining cats and dogs and then some in Lagos today. Its only fitting.

I walked the same hallways with greatness for the past two years.

I ate with him.

Caught his eye a couple of times.

Smiled back at him at least once.

Presented a case before him twice.

Was at the brunt of his anger once

Enjoyed his generosity...still

Laughed at his jokes tens of times

I lived with greatness for so long that I mistook it for normal.

The sky can't seem to stop weeping.

It is only fitting that it mourns

You belong with the ages now.

Rest well, true greatness

Tayo Aderinokun (1955-2011)

Remember

My kinsman,
Of the tribe of greatness.
How could you have forgotten
Of the stories of long ago?
Tales of our fathers-strong and brave,
Odes to our mothers-graceful and proud,
Songs of our warriors-fierce and unbeatable,
The praise of our young maidens-beautiful and virtuous

Yesterday,
You fell asleep in my arms,
Your tears wet my clothes,
Your sadness and defeat soaked my heart

How could u have forgotten the child of whom you are
When even your name evokes victory in battle?

Yesterday

Today.

I will remind you.
I will retell the tales of our fathers.
The odes to our mothers.
The Oriki of our people.
And you will remember, by God, you will remember, 
That you embody the hopes of a nation,
The pride of a people,
The conquests of the past,
The victories of the future.
 
You will remember that you are my hero.
 
So shed your last tears,
Staunch your bleeding heart,
Face your destiny.
Remember...
Olusegun.

Song of the day:Phil Collins- True Colors 

Champions

How on earth did i forget to blog about May the 28th??? There were tears in my eyes when Villa scored...sigh

That face on Xavi sums it all up...

Worthy champions of Europe...AGAIN!!!

I love my team!!! Enough said!!!

Song of the day: Right Said Fred- Stand up

It's June

It's June!!!

Ok so am sure y'all don't need reminders but still...it is June.

There are few months i love better than August, my birth month. June will be one of those. I think its the rain. I love it when it rains. No matter how badly Victoria island gets flooded, I cant help the feeling of elation. 

M resigned. We have drifted apart these past few months. I had no idea what was going  on in his life. Truth be told, i doubt i ever had any idea. He left without telling us (his class). He left without saying goodbye. Now i wish i can tried harder.

Yes yes, i know he is very much alive and i can try and smoke him out wherever he is but i just get this feeling that i failed. I wish i was a better friend. I might call him up today but i fear pride might get in the way and i wont. Keep your fingers crossed for me. I miss my 'frenemy'.

Asides that, it's June and i am happy. Happier than i have been in a long time. I am writing again. I am learning to let go and let the words out. So what if no one understands or likes them. I like them and i understand and that's enough. I do not understand the Lion and the Jewel but i hear its literary genius. Besides its Wole, i cant argue with that.

I am becoming a better person. My temper is slowly becoming a thing of the past- please God. My impatience...lets close the curtain of charity here, shall we?

I know my blog isn't supposed to be  a personal one but i couldn't resist. It's June after all and i miss M's smile.

Song of day: Jason Mraz-Butterfly.