Dream snatchers

Last night i dreamt i was on a hill.
Alone. And yet i wasn't lonely.
The wind breathed in my ears and played with my hair.
The sun warmed my skin.
The birds serenaded my ascent.
It was the most beautiful feeling ever.
I woke up to find you watching me with that strange look upon your face that heralded a joining.
It wasn't the wind after all.
It was your heavy breathing.
It wasn't the sun that warmed me.
It was the heat your lust gave off.
It wasn't the birds.
It was the whistling in your nostrils .

You went to work.
I kissed you goodbye.
Cleaned the house.
Put your dinner in the microwave.
Packed my things, locked the doors and left you.
You have stolen my dreams for the last time. 

Song of the day: Destiny's Child-Emotions

Dear John

So i know this child. He is really a  baby actually. He will be two in January. I think he still makes it in the baby category. I forget sometimes, in fact  i forget loads of times. He is smart like that. Calls me 'Antiee' and knows two plus two makes four. I wonder how many of you reading this knew what one plus one was at four years of age. I am just saying...

Last week i gave him a balloon and he said...'chank yuuuu'

I took a deep breath and almost burst into tears. I didn't - thank God. I imagine how quickly his bewildered mother would have whisked him away from the weird 'Antiee'. Thankfully doubts about my sanity weren't called into question that day. 

Things haven't been going as planned. Scrap that, they haven't been going well at all. I wake up, go to work, walk the talk, talk the walk but my insides are all messed up and in need of healing. I have taken to crying a lot-in the bathroom at work, at home, in my father's arms...anywhere where it is safe

I know how to do the whole smiling while dying inside thing so very few people know. I have been mighty angry, plenty bitter and very very sad. On Friday , Lil John brought the first real smile to my face in days. I kissed him and said you are welcome. He laughed that amazingly heartbreaking baby laugh of his and broke into a song. The lyrics were pretty messed up but i would know the melody anywhere. Shakira would have been proud. Even babies know the 'Time for Africa'

Dear John. He said 'chank yuu' a hundred times to me that night.  The balloon kept falling off its little straw and i kept fixing it. My patience didn't run out. Every time he looked at me with those eyes to signal he needed help i dutifully did the needful. It reminded me of how faithful God is and all the times i have needed help and have been too confused to ask and He keeps helping. He hasn't run out of patience either

So this is my thank you Post. It is possible, actually it is more than likely that i will be needing to remember reasons to be thankful in the days ahead.  I hope i have the presence of mind to come back to this post and remember what its all about. Thank you dear John for the reminder.

Song of day: Mary Mary- Thank you

Strangers to self

He is my friend. I have never been his. He is the one i run to when it all falls apart. He always lets me in when everyone else has shut the door in my face. He is magical, he is sweet, he is him and i am so thankful he found me. More thankful, he stays...

This is something he wrote a while ago and has let me borrow while my muse is on holiday :). 

We are well acquainted to what we are not
And strangers to what we are
That’s why it’s hard to be ourselves.
We are in conflict with the inner self:
The one only us know
But well settled with the outside self:
The one everyone knows
Antisocial cavemen
Living in a social civilization
we trade War and discrimination
For peace and diversity
Our minds are still primitive
So we can’t understand that our differences make us even the same
Busy getting caught in the web
we forget our common origin
Indeed
In the network of books with faces
We really should be finding our own spaces

 Song of the day: One republic- Stop & stare

M & me

I saw M today. He had the best shave ever. It made me want to nuzzle him. If you know me even a little bit, you will know i don't do facial hair.. it tickles and not in a funny way. It gets in the way of good kissing. My men have always been clean shaven. The first time a boyfriend kept a beard i didn't kiss him for a whole week till he got rid of it.

Back to M. He is on his way for a  meeting when i see him. He does a double take and his eyes does the whole stripping thing. One of the amazing things about M is how he stares at ladies and doesn't even pretend or hide that he is looking. He looks at my face and smiles that slow serpentine smile that i love so much. I laugh and say hey. I feel  so good inside already that i make the mistake of leaning to hug him. Now if you have read my blog before you will know about M and you will know my friend hates, detests, completely abhors hugs. M hesitates  but only for a  second. Next thing i know M is hugging me willingly for the first time in our almost two years old love-hate friendship.

When he finally lets go, he stutters ' eh are you dating now?' I almost kiss him. My friend - a man of many extremes. He can make u feel as low as dirt and he can raise you higher than the stars. Today isn't one of my brave days so i just smile and saunter away leaving him staring. I envy the girl that will change his mind about settling down. I envy the girl that will make him do the double take everyday.

 I am ready to take on the world tonight. Thank you M

p.s M is an amazing guy. We are best friends some days, worst enemies on others. Don't get it twisted. Besides he is smarter than i...i would never have anything to do with a man smarter than i am...am just saying...

Song of the day: Maxwell- Stop the world

Masquerades (3)

Its been two months since the day i bought the masks. She didn't make it back home that night. I bathed the kids and took them to school the next day. Like the bright stars that they are, they knew better than to ask. Or maybe they saw the grayness in my world and pitied me.

Night came and i came home from work. The house told me she was back before i entered. It was always like that. It brightened at her presence and pined for her when she left. It was quiet everywhere but i knew she was back.

'I always knew it was Nifemi'  I turned, startled by her voice in the darkness of our dining room. She was sitting where i sat the night before. Mask in her hands. ' I just wanted you to know. In case you think you ever ahd me fooled. I have always known'. 

I didn't dare to move. I feared even to breathe. If she heard me breathe, maybe she would change her mind and stop.

She stood and took my hand and led me to the bedroom. The other bed that had been my prison this long year had been removed. There were tears in her eyes. They rolled down her cheeks. The angels had taken away my speech . Like Zechariah, they feared i would spoil the miracle if i said anything. I took off her clothes  with a reverence that was evidenced by my shaking hands. That night, she whispered my name with every breath, with every moan. She climaxed with my name on her lips.

I rushed home the next evening.  I had regained my speech at work. I wanted to sing of my love for her. Tell of my eternal gratitude to her. Croon about my undying loyalty. I got out of the car and my eyes went to the bin. It had been that way since the first day the i saw my flowers discarded. I held my breath as i made my way to look in it. Only the masks were there. Mine and Nifemi's.

I let out my breath and raced into the house. My flowers were beside her reading lamp.

The era of the masquerades was over.

P.S this was a lot harder to write than i thought possible. I am not so sure fiction is my thing. :)

Song of  the day: Green day- 21 Guns

In retrospect...

I cried me a river on Monday.

I am not exactly sure why. What matters is that its over...pls God.

Tuesday, i was waited upon by Northern royalty. Escape helps everyone.

Wednesday, i got my groove back. Rocked my stilettos on red earth and didn't miss a beat.

Kissed my Northern warriors goodbye.

Smiled hello at the Eyo masquerades at every turn in my town.

You can take a girl away from Lagos, it will take plenty more to take Lagos away from her.

I am home. Tears forgotten, the taste of Kilishi still on my tongue, the drama of Lekki traffic all around me.

Life is grand...for now...

Song of the day: Bon Jovi - Its all about loving you

A Happy Place

Where the bed bugs don't bite

Where ice cream is a staple

and weight scales are a taboo                                                                       

Where i am me and you are you

and love is free

Where i get paid for doing what i love

Where i am still Cinderella

and midnight never comes

Where there is no hunger

Where there are no wars

No floods, no earthquakes, 

No disease, No death

No pain, No sadness

I am Cinderella

and midnight never comes

But midnight will come

It will steal upon us like the morning tide

disease, death,

pain, sadness

But before it gets here,

I will hold my prince and dance

And make enough memories to last me till dawn.

P.S For UY-Love you babes-my Cinderella always

and for all of you in love...even if its with yourselves :)

Song of the day: Boyzone- Everyday i love you

Living Nigerian...

I have been watching the recent happenings in the  political scene with indifference. That indifference has slowly given way to rage. I don't mind all the nasty old men declaring their intentions. Its a free country last i i checked but what i cannot stand is the attitude of the people. The sad, easy-to-bamboozle, money hungry, undignified, disloyal populace.

They are the reason for a shame so overwhelming it cannot be covered. They are the root of a reproach so strong my knees weaken at the thought. They are the reason i would gladly exchange my passport for ANY other. And my generation, ha, those ones are the sickest of the lot. That anyone in this generation that grew up with; no electricity, terrible roads, JAMB and 6 as the average number of years spent in the university, crippling unemployment that has led them into armed robbery, 419, etc; can even think of supporting the same evil old men that are responsible is inconceivable. In fact it is outright insane. It makes me want to weep. It makes me want to just find somewhere and hibernate.

We lost it somewhere along the line. We are too foolish to retrace our steps. History will stand in judgment against us. Our children will not be as forgiving as we have been. They will point accusing fingers and burn us at the stakes for this evil. The soul that sinneth it shall die.

The hardest part of it all is i am not so very different from them .

Song of the Day: Tracy Chapman - Revolution

Seasons

When we were young and played in the sand, we would go to Mazi Mbanu's house and like little monkeys, climb his udala tree and make away with the fruit. When it wasn't udala season, we climbed his paw paw trees and gorged ourselves with the orange meat. Our bellies would be distended by the time the our scout sounded the alarm. But we all agreed that udala season was the best.

Mazi would run after us with his bow legs. He would curse at us and say 'Your mates are getting women pregnant! Stop acting like children!'. But that's all we were; children! And we loved every moment of it. we would scatter in different directions. He never seemed to be able to catch anybody. Other days, he couldn't seem to be bothered. He just walked slowly and ignored children running in every direction.

I would run home and my mother would be waiting with her cane. 'Leave the boy alone. He is only being young.' My father would say. 'Being young shouldn't involve sending that old man to the grave' My mother would retort.' 'He is already there' Papa would reply with a solemn voice.

Mazi had lost his entire family in a bus accident on their way back from the city a few months back.

Sometimes, we would imagine that the graves of his wife and children would open and they would come and get us for stealing their fruit. We took turns scaring each other and getting a laugh out of it. I shiver now to think of the brazen acts that only youth could afford.When we were young, life was day by day. Our only worries were not getting caught at our petty crimes and who got to scrape the bottom of the pot at the end of the day. Life and death and the people left to carry on meant little to us

Mazi Mbanu died at the beginning of one udala season. I never forgave him for that. He could have waited till the end of the season. We had our fill that day. We kept rotating scouts. The alarm never sounded. I remember stocking my pockets full with as much fruit as possible. maybe somehow i knew it was the end.

He was found early the next morning when a neighbor came calling to borrow snuff. We never went back. What his physical form couldn't achieve, his spirit did. We were cured. None of the gang ever braved Mazi's compound again. To think that we had committed atrocities while his body grew cold was the source of many nightmares.

By the next udala season, we were clad in khaki shorts and herded off to school. Mazi won after all. We grew up.

Song of the day: The Corrs- So Young

Wednesday the 15th

It rained this morning. Actually it started last night. i could tell because i heard that silly dog whimpering. She hates it when it rains. Comes scratching at our door. So lets just say, i dreamt of rain and flood and the dog and my meds too. i might have lived all my life with a practitioner of medicine but i will never like meds!!! 

I made it to work on time. Surprise, Surprise, V.I was flooded!!! One of these days, water go carry all of una go...

Anyways i was frothing at the lips and mumbling obscenities to all those deserving when some pick-up dropped off M. There he was looking all instructable and unbothered with green socks(who wears green socks to work is all i want to know). The following conversation took place...

K: 'Hey Baba Suwe! I am calling the fashion police on you. How can you wear green socks to work and carry your head up high?

'M: 'Why can't you just say good morning. B would say good morning and ask how i got here. Yoruba girls!"

K: 'Well B is Yoruba too or did you miss the memo? Mschewww...why didn't you say good morning either?"

M: 'I was going to before you attacked me'

By this time, we are about to go our separate ways. So i opened my arms wide to hug him. M hates hugs. He dodges me. I start walking off and he is still standing, staring at my butt. M likes butts. I turn around and walk back to him, kiss him on his cheek, laugh and run to my office. Last i saw of M he was standing there touching where my mouth had been and smiling. 

He thinks we should hang out one of these days. It will be a total disaster!!! But i got tough love for M.

Good morning people!!!

Song of the day: Rob Thomas (M loves him)- Ever The Same