The truth

....Saying 'I chose you' would mean I had a choice. the truth lies within me...

I stole the above line from my friend (i hold my breath as i lay claim on friendship with this wordsmith) His work can be found at http://be-nyamezele.blogspot.com .

First time i read that line, it blew me away like very few lines can...It made me think how simple life is and how complicated it feels.

Feelings and reality, oil and water.

We all have a choice...Most of us prefer to take the easier path and not choose at all. We console ourselves with notions of predestination and fate.

The truth lies within you...

You can choose. You just choose not to...

Thank you Bulumko...

Song of the day: One Republic- Secrets

David Gray "This Years Love"

I think this is the perfect song to close the year...may this year's love last always for y'all

M to the Rescue

I dressed for work in the dark today. Thanks to PHCN and their disregard for young ladies living alone who do not understand the mechanics of the changing engine oil, servicing generators and change overs.

I was very sure something was wrong and even after checking myself out in as many rear view mirrors as i could manage, i still felt under dressed....till i walked into M's office and he gave me a slow lingering once over...and smiled that smile designed to break hearts.

Suddenly everything was right with the world...

Happy new year in advance people...i have a good feeling about this one...

Song of the day(no thinking twice about this one...): Asa- Bimpe(i get a kick off singing the first three lines to co-workers...they end up laughing at my accent)

Mo' Dele

Mo'dele came home like the prodigal child

Sores from all over the place on her body

Scars I didn't dare to question their source

She came home and like the father in the story

I opened my doors and my heart to her again

Only I am not her father

I am the man who loves her like none other

I am the man in the shadows

I am the one poised to catch her when she falls

I am a miserable man

Mo'dele left again one morning

Like the restless falcon that has a home only in the next hunt

She left me a penciled note that said 'thank you'

And a sweater to warm my nights

There was no need to search for my heart

It was long gone

I am a miserable man

Glad to wallow in my misery

Because within it lies hope

That someday she will be back

And maybe it will be to stay

Till then, Mo'dele,

Till, you come home

P.s Mo'dele is Yoruba for 'I have come home'. I find more and more, home is hard to recognize for so many!

Song of the day: Boyzone- Everyday i love you

Picture perfect

I have stopped paying much attention to Facebook. Ever since i learned that nothing is as it seems and all the picture perfect lives i see are just as broken and incomplete as mine. 

Nothing is ever as it seems. Cameras can hide the pain, hide the sadness, hide the division, ....paint a happier life than we can ever live...

I went through loads of my pictures and each told a different story than i know was true and i wondered how much longer before the can  of worms is opened and the facade lost forever...Facebook, Hi5, Myspace ...All of them scream out loud how happy and complete we all are...and yet there are wars and disease and deaths and divorces and breakups and shame. Do they happen only to people not on Facebook? Are we immune just because our lives are lived on web-pages?

I think its alright we want to forget so long as we remember what is real and what is not. Its when we lose sight of that that we are lost.

Song of day: UB40 - Many rivers to cross

'Tis the season

So its Christmas...

I had almost forgotten till i went to Falomo and the amazing Xmas decorations reminded me.(Well done, Church of Assumption!!!)

Last Christmas was amazing..Calabar and friends and self discovery...

This year, i don't know what to do with myself...the man i love is zillions of miles away and our hearts are fraught with cuts-deep and shallow....lets just say this Christmas , love isn't in the air

There will be no Calabar-one vacation per year please...My account is still bearing the brunt of London...

Friends?!! Oh boy!!! I can count my friends on one hand and they are millions of miles away.

Still...I have  a good feeling about this one...

There is family and its been a while we all spent Xmas together. it might also be the last time in a  long time as school and new families call.

There are new folks i look forward to making friends with and Tee might just be spending Xmas in Lagos. There is still the euphoria of London and all the lovely shopping i got to do.

There is presents...and that's the best part...the giving .and (pardon me), the receiving. i know loads of people say its better to give than to receive but i think its a two way street...you give and you will get..i look forward to both ends.

This year i want to try the orphanage...Its time i do something for someone that really needs it..i am hoping i can convince my colleagues at the office to join me and make a ball out of it...

Merry Christmas everyone...and GIVE...

M called me today!

M called me today!

Its been a couple of interesting days...

Been burning the midnight candle and trying to make sense outta crazy questions!

My men won the El Classico in grand style-what can I say? Nobody does it better!

Love is in the air and even though I don't want to enjoy it, I am! :)

I miss work...I know,I know...I am weird like that. But that's the way it is!

So when M called today, he reminded me of how much I miss work...the hallways where you can rub shoulders with just about anyone, the lunch room and the great food(all of a sudden, my cooking doesn't seem do good anymore), my boss(that huge teddy bear that will gobble you up in a heart beat and spit you out whole in another!), my colleagues, my boys, my desk, my friends,my incorrigible customers...and M!

I miss M,his smile,his socks, those eyes that wither and flatter at the same time.

I know the more I go on about M, the more folks think there is something more! Something am not saying!

True! There is something more!

In many ways,if I were male I would be M and I see so much of myself in him. Its why we hate each other one minute and are best friends the next! Okay, best friends is an exaggeration! But you get the point!

M is the me I am not brave enough to be...

I am so very glad he has enough courage for two.

Song of the day: The Script - For the first time

Going home...

Its my last day here and i have been looking outside the window instead of packing.


What will i miss? Order,shopping,the cold, Oxford street, my friends


What won't i miss? Order,the cold, junk food


I cant wait to get back home and yet i can...


Land of the two rivers,
Your warmth tugs at my heart and bids me return
Till i am reminded of the callousness and coldness 
With which you deal with the ones who love you


I am coming home
Home isn't where the heart is
Its where the road leads
And I cannot wait to see you.


Song of the day: George Michael-As

Off to London...

So am off to London for a  vacation..its been ages i had one of those...a vacation i mean...

I can't wait to hold Ukeme, see KK, shop with OmoTee and make new friends.

I am on a limited budget but men...i plan to make the best use of all my pounds and shop till i drop.

I will still be blogging though and reading terribly hard..

My muse has been on vacation awhile now...how i envy her, threats do not bother her...she takes her leave when she wills and returns when she deems fit. Oh to be such a free spirit...

I wish B and i were going on this trip together..we have planned it all year but life went and happened and here i am, going on a trip alone.

I embrace it with open arms...and a twinkle in my eye

Song of the day: Michael Buble-Hold on

The Second Child

He was the second child, unobtrusive in every way. For the short time while he was the last child, he had been important. Then came along another to take his place and gone were the days of hanging onto his mother's skirts and he had to relinquish his seat on his father's shoulders. He slipped quietly into oblivion. Remembered only when he did something exceptional or terribly bad. Sometimes he felt like he could disappear and no one would notice. The elder one had once been his playmate but then she had grown up and had giggling girl friends to take his place. The baby wasn't old enough to be much of a playmate but at least he tried. As he grew, he found more interesting things to engage him than his elder brother.

One day, an old relative came to visit. Like others before him he paid more attention to the others than to the second child. He stayed longer than any other visiting relative. The second child liked him very much. He would go out all day and come back with sweets for each child and while he didn't pay him any more attention than the rest, he still liked the sweets. He told them stories every evening after every meal and while the baby always fell asleep before the story ended and the first child usually found TV more interesting, he listened attentively as the relative weaved tales of magic. For that short while he was the only one, all attention was on him.

Time passed and the relative went away but the second child never forgot him . he had found his way out of obscurity. He made up stories and read them. As the baby grew older, he fell in love with his elder brother's tales and hung on to his every word. His parents took notice when he won inter school writing competitions. They sang his praises to all and sundry when he brought home a generator as 2nd prize.Their interest heightened as he won state competitions. He became the golden child as his first book sold a million copies.

He was awarded the Orange Prize yesterday.

His mother insists on being called 'Mama Nobel Laureate'. His father insists he took after him. His sister has two children and invokes his name to correct them. The baby has a beard now and has taken up writing classes along with the burdens of medical school.

He realizes too late that the spotlight was not very different from obscurity. It is just as demanding to be hero as it was to dream of being one.