The things i do not say

Missing home will make a mushy writer out of anyone...forgive me... :)


I start by telling you how happy i have been these past few months. I ease into the good times we have shared. It takes a while but i get to the crux of the matter soon enough...

I am too old. You are too young.

I am Basange. You are Ibibio.

I am fat and ungainly. You are God's most graceful creation. 

You are quiet. I am like a cock hoping to outshine everyone with my loudness. 

We were not meant to be.

The things that i do not say..

That it scares me that i can no longer tell where your caramel colored skin begins and my dark chocolate bark ends.

That when i look into your eyes, I see what the creator had in mind when He decided to make me and it is the most beautiful thing i have ever seen.

I conveniently forget to tell you that when you kiss me goodbye in the morning, i have to stop myself from running after you and begging you to stay.

I do tell you i have watered the plants. You will not have to worry about them for a few days. When the pigeons come to coo at  the bedroom window, the bird seeds are on the ledge. Your laundry is done. Plenty of meals in the freezer, you just need to warm them up and eat. My bags are packed. I will call the cab myself. I need to find myself before i find you.

You cock your head to one side in that way that i love so much and look at me. I twiddle my fingers. Scratch my head. Take a few hesitant steps forward, and then backward. I stand before you like a child waiting for punishment. I wait for you to say something. We stay like this for a while and then you ask how my day was. 

It takes a while for me to answer all the questions in that one question. When i am finally able to, i am in your arms and it doesn't matter anymore.


Song of the day: Jem -Wish i