Essays, Essays, Essays

I made a deal with the devil...

But even that is alright

I am as bad as he is when it comes to keeping my word.

Life gets us all in the end

Get yours back while you still can

He kissed my tears

I drank his blood

One and the same...

We all have different ways of showing love

Whatever it is 

How ever hard it gets

Know this...

The end will come

P.S...Diary of a woman slowly being driven to her wits end by MBA essays!!!

Song of the day: Jason Mraz- Make it Mine

These days

These days...

I find i am better at loving, better at hating, better at indifference

I find i am no longer a stranger to me and i like all the pieces of the whole.

I see that i am strong enough to know its okay to be weak

I find beauty in the ugliest things-(i must need new glasses)

These days, things are simpler and harder at the same time.

So far, so good...

Song of the day: Dido & A.R .Rahman- If i rise(Amazing song.)

Wale...

And i thought i was so over it...

Just so happens that i am not and i never will be...i have a  feeling i will be eighty and will think of you and still bawl...

Its barely 9am and i thought of you and almost didn't make it to the bathroom before the waterworks let loose...Like a child i bawled and shook my fists at the heavens...yes i am still mad, yes i  still ask why...

I freaking miss you...i want you to be here, i so need you to be here...albeit for selfish reasosn,but i need you...

I wish you were here so i could surprise you and send you a cake or flowers or call you and tell you how much i love you...

I wish i had a recent picture that would show off my mother with the beautiful doe eyes, the pouty lips and the heart that shone through her eyes...

I miss you ma...there are times i feel so lost, so unattached, so alone...like i belong to no one, to nothing...you were my anchor...

Now i am the anchor...but i am not you and no matter how hard i try, i still falter...

Your babies are fine...i am fine but as incomplete as cake without icing, as a Christmas tree without lights...

Rest well babes...

Song of the day: Aaliyah - Miss you

Jigida

My lover's beads are red, black and blue

Their rhythm like the music of love

I blame it on the Jigida

Those powerful beads that tug at a man's loins and heart

Those instruments of seduction designed to tempt a man away from his wife

My wife wears no Jigida.

I wish she did.

Maybe i would have been able to withstand the power of my lover's beads.

But she is a modern woman

No Jigida for Madam

Just foundation and lip gloss

lingerie and perfume

At night, she comes to me with unnatural smells and colours

We dance the dance of love, me and madam

But it is nothing like the dance of Jigida

With every step my lover takes, the beads jiggle

And like the piper and the mice,

Wherever they lead, i follow

The strings shattered in a moment of passion

Hundreds of beads on our bed of love

Madam found a blue one in my pocket.

I told her blue beads signified fertility.

Maybe the blue bead would bring us luck in our search for a child.

I thought of the many blue beads on my lover's waist

and prayed it were not so.

The truth

....Saying 'I chose you' would mean I had a choice. the truth lies within me...

I stole the above line from my friend (i hold my breath as i lay claim on friendship with this wordsmith) His work can be found at http://be-nyamezele.blogspot.com .

First time i read that line, it blew me away like very few lines can...It made me think how simple life is and how complicated it feels.

Feelings and reality, oil and water.

We all have a choice...Most of us prefer to take the easier path and not choose at all. We console ourselves with notions of predestination and fate.

The truth lies within you...

You can choose. You just choose not to...

Thank you Bulumko...

Song of the day: One Republic- Secrets

David Gray "This Years Love"

I think this is the perfect song to close the year...may this year's love last always for y'all

M to the Rescue

I dressed for work in the dark today. Thanks to PHCN and their disregard for young ladies living alone who do not understand the mechanics of the changing engine oil, servicing generators and change overs.

I was very sure something was wrong and even after checking myself out in as many rear view mirrors as i could manage, i still felt under dressed....till i walked into M's office and he gave me a slow lingering once over...and smiled that smile designed to break hearts.

Suddenly everything was right with the world...

Happy new year in advance people...i have a good feeling about this one...

Song of the day(no thinking twice about this one...): Asa- Bimpe(i get a kick off singing the first three lines to co-workers...they end up laughing at my accent)

Mo' Dele

Mo'dele came home like the prodigal child

Sores from all over the place on her body

Scars I didn't dare to question their source

She came home and like the father in the story

I opened my doors and my heart to her again

Only I am not her father

I am the man who loves her like none other

I am the man in the shadows

I am the one poised to catch her when she falls

I am a miserable man

Mo'dele left again one morning

Like the restless falcon that has a home only in the next hunt

She left me a penciled note that said 'thank you'

And a sweater to warm my nights

There was no need to search for my heart

It was long gone

I am a miserable man

Glad to wallow in my misery

Because within it lies hope

That someday she will be back

And maybe it will be to stay

Till then, Mo'dele,

Till, you come home

P.s Mo'dele is Yoruba for 'I have come home'. I find more and more, home is hard to recognize for so many!

Song of the day: Boyzone- Everyday i love you

Picture perfect

I have stopped paying much attention to Facebook. Ever since i learned that nothing is as it seems and all the picture perfect lives i see are just as broken and incomplete as mine. 

Nothing is ever as it seems. Cameras can hide the pain, hide the sadness, hide the division, ....paint a happier life than we can ever live...

I went through loads of my pictures and each told a different story than i know was true and i wondered how much longer before the can  of worms is opened and the facade lost forever...Facebook, Hi5, Myspace ...All of them scream out loud how happy and complete we all are...and yet there are wars and disease and deaths and divorces and breakups and shame. Do they happen only to people not on Facebook? Are we immune just because our lives are lived on web-pages?

I think its alright we want to forget so long as we remember what is real and what is not. Its when we lose sight of that that we are lost.

Song of day: UB40 - Many rivers to cross

'Tis the season

So its Christmas...

I had almost forgotten till i went to Falomo and the amazing Xmas decorations reminded me.(Well done, Church of Assumption!!!)

Last Christmas was amazing..Calabar and friends and self discovery...

This year, i don't know what to do with myself...the man i love is zillions of miles away and our hearts are fraught with cuts-deep and shallow....lets just say this Christmas , love isn't in the air

There will be no Calabar-one vacation per year please...My account is still bearing the brunt of London...

Friends?!! Oh boy!!! I can count my friends on one hand and they are millions of miles away.

Still...I have  a good feeling about this one...

There is family and its been a while we all spent Xmas together. it might also be the last time in a  long time as school and new families call.

There are new folks i look forward to making friends with and Tee might just be spending Xmas in Lagos. There is still the euphoria of London and all the lovely shopping i got to do.

There is presents...and that's the best part...the giving .and (pardon me), the receiving. i know loads of people say its better to give than to receive but i think its a two way street...you give and you will get..i look forward to both ends.

This year i want to try the orphanage...Its time i do something for someone that really needs it..i am hoping i can convince my colleagues at the office to join me and make a ball out of it...

Merry Christmas everyone...and GIVE...