October 25, 2011

Time flies

My bosom used to be his resting place
My belly his hideaway

Time flies
And with it blows away all that i was once to him

His babies have sucked my bosom flat
His seed has left my belly scarred

Time flies
And with it blows away all that i was once to him

My arms were all she used to hold onto
My muscled abs were where she laid her burdens at the end of the day

Time flies 
And with it blows away all that i was once to her

Her burdens have weighed down my arms
Her good cooking has turned muscle to flab

Time flies 
And with it blows away all that i was once to her


Time flies
And with it, the bodies we once reveled in.

The things time leaves behind:
The warmth of your smile
The courage of your heart
The trueness of your spirit
The power of your faith.

Time flies
And in its wake,
is everything i fell in love with.

Song of the day: Lighthouse Family - Keep Remembering

October 22, 2011


Clearing the cobwebs in my brain ... :)

So today i attended my first American football game today. My Catalonian blood boils at the very thought but i find that men in tights appeal very much to me. I will be attending many more... :)

The leaves are turning orange and brown and beautiful. it is my first autumn. It is like everything i saw in the movies and read in the books. Remember Autumn in New York, anyone? sigh...

I have nothing else to report. My muse has gone on to somewhere warmer. She will be back. She can't live without me or so i tell myself. I have written loads of stuff that i am keeping to myself these days. I fear to put them up here would mean to show my vulnerability and we cannot have that, now can we? Mostly i fear that to post them would force me to confront all the stuff i rather not deal with. What can i say? I am the bravest coward there is.

There is a tattoo in my head
It is of your smile
I have forgotten everything else
But the curve of your lips
Time heals all wounds
But it forgets to cover up the scars
It is why after 9 years
I still see your smile in every beautiful woman.

Song of day: Cher-Believe

October 19, 2011

I 'Bore' easily


Forgive me Miss Bedingfield...i love your music but i couldn't resist bastardizing your lyrics to express myself this morning.

I bore easily...very easily...i find my mind drifting in class, in conversations with others, in love...

They say if you can admit your problem, you are on your way to a solution. I am going to stop trying not to be bored by others. I am going to focus on me and figure out ways to keep myself intrigued.
I find that the more i rely on others to hold my interest, the more they fall short even when they were not falling short before.

I need to get the blogging MOJO i had back in June/July/August back. With finals approaching, i won't hold my breath. But the rest of you rethots, OhJT.Notes have absolutely no excuse for these sparse posts you put up. Freaking get back to blogging and holding my interest...


Song of the day: Tracy Chapman - If not now

October 9, 2011

6am Feeding

The phone rings. I have been staring at it for the past two hours, willing it to ring. I called but her phone rang endlessly and i knew it meant she got stuck in the land of her dreams where even I am barred from entering. So I have waited, counting the seconds, then the minutes, and then the hours till she stretches upon our huge bed and reaches for the phone to reignite my life.

She never fails. 1am every day…I have come to live for that hour. 23 hours pale and all the madness of the world is made sane when her voice comes on over the phone at 1am. Today, the phone didn’t ring until 3am.
I am jolted out of my reverie as my voicemail picks up. I pick up.

“Obim” she says like she said yesterday, like she will say tomorrow.
 “Hey” I answer as I let my mind wander to another time, another place, to her life.
“What happened? I was scared stiff with worry when you didn’t call at 1am like you always do”. I say
“Sorry” she answers with a tone that lets me know she is anything but sorry
‘What time is it’ I ask her.
“You know what time it is. Why are you asking me?”

I feel her frustration because it is mine as well. I wait for the flood that is threatening. It won’t be much longer.
I hear her breathe in deeply.

“I am sorry she says. I had to take Ego to the hospital. She was sick in the evening and we got home late. I hate it that you are not here. She is growing up and you are missing it. My breasts ache because she won’t drink my milk anymore. She cries a lot and won’t let anyone help me with her. Do you know the only thing that is sure to make her smile? When I stand before the mantel that has your picture and point at Daddy. She is crawling and I am afraid someday when I am not concentrating she will crawl away from my life. I am afraid, Obi.’

I let her cry a while.

“What time is it?” I ask her again. I need to hear her say it. I don’t know why. I am aware of the exact hours between us but all of it is unreal till she says it. Until she says it, I am helpless, lost in time, lost I translation…
“8am” she answers. For the first time since she was born, I have missed my daughter’s 6am feeding.
“How much longer till you are home?” she asks with a solemnity that should only be reserved for prayers.
“Not much longer now.”  I reply with a certainty that only God should possess.
“Where are you?” I ask.
“On the balcony”
“Describe it to me.”

She knows I mean the sunrise. So she does. I fall asleep to the sounds she makes as she paints bold pictures of the sunrise that was once mine and that I fear I have lost forever. 

When I wake up, its 7am and it is a different sunrise. The message alert on my phone is blinking. I pick it up and there is a photo of my girls, on the balcony backing the sunrise. Their smiles defeat time zones and distance. There is a mesage attached to it.

“The sun rises for us wherever you are. I will call you up for the 6am feeding...”

Song of the day: Westlife - Close

October 3, 2011

Let there be light

‎'When God said, let there be light, in the life of a boy who will remain unnamed, He meant let there be you, Kiah...'

The above is a direct quote. Every time i talk to the man who said the above, a certain kind of peace rests upon me. I forget my worries and i just live. At least for that day. There are few people who have this effect on me. Infact, let me not deceive myself, it is just him and God.

I haven't seen him in years and yet it feels just like yesterday we were kids, learning new things and in such a huge hurry to leave home. We both got our wish but you know what they say about being careful what you wish for. We talk every other day but it is not the same.

I used to day dream about seeing him again one day and telling him all the things i should have said. Stuff like 'Thank you' and how i admired his serenity and how he had the best smile in the world. I don't dream about it anymore. I don't think it will ever happen. I missed out on all my chances: first, second and thousandth chances. Mo ti gba kamu!!!

I do this all the time. I take people for granted till they are no longer accessible and then i start with the 'shoulda, woulda, coulda'.

So my October resolution ( and yes i can have a resolution three months before the New Year. If e pain you, Lagos Lagoon beckons) is to hold on to people a little bit longer, kiss them a little bit deeper, love them a little harder...

Its 11pm. I have an exam tomorrow...i should be reading but here i am keeping my resolution and sending out my kisses in search of the man to whom i was once light and everything bright...

Song of the day: Asa - Babe gone

October 2, 2011

Random Ish

Just saw a photo of M on Facebook.

It brought a tear to my eye...emphasis on the word "tear" and not "tears".

I miss that man die. I have to let go of my pride and say hello to him one of these days. Stubborn donkey that he is, he was my friend once. A reminder of all the things i am not brave enough to be...sigh...

It is getting colder everyday out here. I miss Lagos and the sun that pierces through your every pore and warms the coldest recesses of your heart. I miss the beaches. Let's close the curtain of charity on all that i miss. I have exams tomorrow. I cannot afford to go to bed crying. Deep breath....

I am falling in love with my new friends. The way their faces light up when i hug them. The way they are beginning to see through me and my Facades... The way they accept me and my Nigerianness. 

It has taken a while but slowly, surely, their stories are becoming my story. I think i might be able to tell it soon. Keeping my fingers crossed...

Where is everyone??? SNOhJRethotsBeautiful ???

Happy belated birthday Nigeria! We are on the side of angels. Shine, baby, shine...

Song of day: John Mayer - Who says